Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Eeek - our first ever...!

First, thank you so much for the concern and interest that my three remaining readers have continued to show despite my lack of updates. It really does mean a lot to me!

Well, what a couple of weeks it's been. We had our transfer two weeks ago tomorrow. For the first time, we were given a photo of the embryos. I felt very emotional when the embryologist showed it to me just before the transfer and said I'd be able to take it home afterwards. Somehow, it just made the whole thing more real.

The first two embryos that they defrosted survived and were doing well, so they didn't have to defrost any others. These two were expanding blasts, and the embryologist said that after the thaw they had started to reinflate very well. And here they are, looking plump and beautiful - and I've barely been able to stop looking at this photo since.

After the transfer, we were sent away with an HPT and told to test in two weeks (ie, tomorrow). We didn't go home for a couple of days, and then we were pretty busy, but last Tuesday I had every intention of updating you and posting that photo.

Before I could do that, last Tuesday evening I started spotting. It was only a tiny amount, it never turned red and it never increased, but it was there on and off from Tuesday to Saturday, and I was completely freaked out by it and convinced that we had failed yet again - and just too depressed to tell you about it.

Then the spotting stopped altogether, and other things started to happen. I noticed that a few things smelt a lot stronger than usual, and that some odours were making me feel a bit... peculiar. The AF feelings in my stomach didn't subside, but nor did they lead to any bleeding. I started to be hit with crushing waves of exhaustion which would actually leave me feeling dizzy for a couple of minutes. And my nipples were a little bit tender and so prominent that you could practically see them through my duvet.

I started to have a faint little shoot of hope, but I didn't want to jinx it by saying anything to anybody, so I stayed away from my computer and just prayed like mad.

I also had an incident where I pulled back on my gestone syringe, as you're instructed to do to make sure you haven't hit a vein, and it filled with blood - so I had to discard that injection and start again. That meant I was one injection short, and when I called the clinic to tell them, they said it would be OK if I tested a day early. I didn't tell anyone, not even DH, figuring that if I got another BFN this morning, I'd be able to lick my wounds for 24 hours before I had to tell anyone else.

Yesterday evening I was peeing every half hour, and just before I went to bed I felt very peculiar - exhausted, dizzy, slightly nauseous. And I just had a feeling that maybe we might have been lucky this time.

So this morning, while DH was pottering around getting ready for work, I took my official HPT into the bathroom, carefully pipetted (is that a word?) three drops of urine into the sample area, and waited. The control line came up straight away, and I stared at the test area in disbelief as it stayed stubbornly white... for about half a minute. Then something else started to happen, and after another minute, it looked like this (apologies for the crappy photo from my phone):

I've subsequently gone on the bulletin board for this clinic and seen loads of people say that the tests the clinic gives out are unusually insensitive, and that most people get very faint lines on them.

So it would appear that after 3 years and 3 months of trying, 2 years of fertility investigations and treatments, 3 failed IVFs and endless months of not even being able to get started with treatment because my hormones weren't right, I finally have my first ever BFP!

We still have a huge long way to go, and I know a line on a pee stick in no way guarantees that I'll have a live baby in my arms in nine months' time. But that moment when I went downstairs, showed the test to DH and said, "This line means I'm pregnant" and saw the look on his face as he gradually realised what I meant is one that will stay with me for ever as one of the best moments of my life.


  1. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I am SO SO happy right now. SO SO happy!!!! I started reading your post and swore I wouldn't scroll down til I read it all but couldn't help myself and had to look first. Thank God! I have been praying and refreshing your page and hoping ... I know, like you said, it's just the beginning but this is a beautiful, wonderful beginning. I am so thrilled for you! *big hugs*

  2. YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! So happy for you!

  3. OH MY GOSH! You had me on the edge of my seat, I thought I was going to die of anxiety reading that and like Sonja, i told myself not to read ahead. I am just SO happy for you my friend. That moment of seeing that second line must have been amazing. Much love to you, hoping for many many more good milestones for you ahead. xx

  4. Brought tears to my eyes! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO freakin' thrilled for you (sorry for the nearly bad language, but I'm happy, happy, happy!!!!)!!!! WOOHOO!!! Sending an infinite number of well wishes to carry you on the rest of this journey!

    Side note: You have more than 3 readers, love. Just some of us are super crappy commenters...definitely not an indication of how loved you are or how often you are thought of.:)

  5. Still beaming over here too - YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! Praying hard now for a trouble-free pregnancy and a healthy baby (or two) in April next year sometime :D LOVE YOU ALL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  6. Wow, astonishing how quickly and easily blogger accepts comments from a Windows machine. It's true - the Dark Side really does haz cookies :/

  7. Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you I have tears in my eyes...everything crossed for the next 9 months, best wishes to you both. Going to read the happy news all over again now!

  8. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am beyond thrilled (and yes I am still following you no matter how infrequent your posts are). sending so much love and congratulations your way!!!!!!!!

  9. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so over the moon and excited for you! Here's with everything crossed for a happy and healthy 9months for you!!!

    As some one else said I check in everyday adn read every post but rarely feel I can comment with anything useful - you certainly have mroe than 3 readers!

    I am harking back from the babyexpert days xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  10. omg!! this is exactley the post I wanted to read from you in ages ..I dont know if you remember me from the forums but I have followed you with bated breath for ages!! soooooooooo happy for you.dont blame you one bit for being cautiously optomistic its called protecting yourself xxx
    you have been through so much heartache i just know this is a turning of a corner for you to a fabulous happy future
    Kat xx

  11. I am just still so excited for you! Your little embabies are beautiful. =)

  12. I've been reading your blog for a while and have always been struck by your well-crafted prose, patient optimism and honesty. I'm thrilled you have got the result you so badly wanted. Fingers crossed all goes well. The compensation for the pain of infertility and loss is how special and miraculous it feels when it finally goes right - something that those to whom parenthood has come easily don't get to experience! Good luck and keep writing.

  13. I have been following your story for some time (in a very non internet stalker way!) since you were LDOM... I am so utterly thrilled to read your news. Massive congratulations. This is huge!!

  14. AHHHHHHHHHHHH CONGRATULATIONS LDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is such amazing amazing news. I too follow your blog but dont often have time to comment....but I have been waiting for this moment to congratulate for so long. Couldnt believe my eyes when I popped on and my eyes were instantly drawn to B F P !!!! It is fantastic news. Keep us posted regularly hon, I reckon you have a couple in there!!! I am pg with no 2 from FET and am so thankful to IVF. Love Tinybabydancer (TBD) xxx

  15. I'm so glad I checked this and I am so very, very happy for you & hubby! I followed you a long long time ago from the days of the TTC website (I can't even remember its name!) I also have a beautiful baby girl from IVF after two ectopic pregnancies and I count my blessings every single day. I think I was SarahW back in those days and you were LDOM :) Have a fabulous time with your new bubba (I did read on to see she was born but wanted to track back and read the whole story!) Dreams really do come true & prayers really are answered. I firmly believe that I was blessed with a miracle and I'm sure you think the same. Lots & lots of love to you & your new family xx

  16. congratulations to you..finally you have made it..be more careful for your pregnancy..stay healthy and be careful on what you eat and make sure that you won't get sick..