A couple of weeks after we got back from our honeymoon, DH did some little job around the house and I thanked him for doing it.
"Not at all," he replied. "I like helping my wife."
He was a bit taken aback when I immediately responded, "Actually, you're not helping me."
I then had to explain: "You're not helping me, because it's not my job. Doing your fair share of the chores is called pulling your weight."
It's something that's important to me. DH and I both work full time, my job is more demanding than his, and running the household is not uniquely my job.
DH has learnt his lesson well. I still do almost all the cooking, but he does almost all the washing-up. He's also learnt to tidy up after himself a lot better - he usually cleans out the washbasin after he's shaved, he picks up his own towels and hangs them up neatly - baby steps, but a huge improvement on the way he handled things when we were first married.
And the other thing that I think we're good at is not taking each other for granted. We do remember to thank each other for doing the laundry, or the recycling, or cleaning the bathroom - not every time, but often enough to show that we still appreciate each other's efforts. I read an article a couple of weeks ago which said that showing appreciation for each other is much more important in maintaining a relationship than constantly repeating "I love you" or making grand gestures every once in a while, and I think that's true - there's nothing worse than being taken for granted.
I thought of this when he was leaving the house on Saturday morning with two huge sacks of rubbish to go down to the recycling centre. As he left, I said, "Thank you for taking that."
And he gave his cheery smile and said, "Just pulling my weight!"
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I whole-heartedly agree. Saying thank you is one of the best ways to show appreciation for everyday chores :)
ReplyDeleteI also agree, but it's funny because, I've tried it, and PB just isn't in to it. Every once in awhile, I'll say to him, "Thanks for going to work today". And he looks at me like I'm stone cold crazy. "What?" "Well, you go to work to support our family, and I know that as the only income, that puts a lot of pressure on you, and I appreciate that you go to work for us every day. So thank you." Yeah, he didn't get it. He chuckles when I do it. He will NEVER do it in return. So, I walk around the house telling him and SS thank you for this and that and I get...nada. But, at least I know I'm doing the right thing despite not getting it in return.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being honest with DH, too! I've always found it upsetting that chores and housework are still considered women's work, even when both people are working. The world changes, but it does so slowly!
Aw I love the last line of this entry. You guys are cute. I agree with you that it really IS "pulling your weight" -- my DH and I also both work full-time and so I feel the same way about chores. We're both exhausted when we get home, so we BOTH should be responsible for various chores. It works out well, I think.
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