The last few nights, I've had the most incredibly vivid dreams. Most of them have been classic anxiety dreams - I've forgotten to do something vital, and I'm trying to sort it out at the last minute. I've had dreams of this type at various stages all my life - I used to get them every single holiday during the week before going back to boarding school, for instance - so they're nothing new.
Several have involved our family Christmas get-together - not in the form of any sort of concern about spending the day at my 8 months pregnant SIL's house or watching the latest niece wear the Christmas pudding outfit for her first Christmas, but more about realising on Christmas Eve that I've forgotten to make the trifle I promised to contribute and don't have all the ingredients in the house, or getting halfway there and realising I've left the trifle at home.
Last night's had nothing classic about it as far as I was concerned, and was very bizarre and a little upsetting. It involved me watching in horror as someone prepared to sacrifice a baby on a barbecue. I don't know who the person was, or why the baby was being sacrificed, but this person obviously thought it was absolutely necessary to do this. Then I saw someone who I knew was coming to help. She was climbing up an open waste pipe, and just as she was about to reach the top, I accidentally flushed her down the pipe. I stood there helplessly looking on as the one person I knew could help disappeared down the sewer... and then I woke up with a horrible sense of dread which left me unwilling to move a muscle for several minutes for fear of what might happen.
It was quite possibly the daftest dream I've ever had, and all I can say is my subconscious is obviously having a busy time at the moment working its way through the decisions that we're making and the shift in our thinking that they entail.
I do wish it would shut up and do it a bit more quietly, though.
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That is a really horrible dream :( Process quietly, subconscious, and stop sending Hope Springs into paroxysms of dread.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've had the chance to tell you lately quite how wonderful you are; I am quite convinced that many many women faced with a Christmas like the one you outline above, who were battling infertility, would quietly make their excuses and go somewhere else for Christmas. We as a family are very very lucky to have you, and I hope we all appreciate quite how much of a sacrifice of peace of mind and what an effort of will you expend on our behalf, to be as involved as you are with all the child-centric-ness that goes on. THANK YOU from me, and huge huge hugs as always XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX