Saturday, 3 September 2011


It's taken me a while to update you on our scan, which took place on Tuesday. The ultrasound nurse was lovely, and we saw our baby's little flickering heart. It measured one day smaller than I had thought, at 6 weeks 3 days, which is probably due to later implantation, but everything looked good and the nurse was very positive about it.

And yes, there's only one. Realistically, I'm relieved that this means there are likely to be fewer complications. Secretly, though, I'm a little disappointed that it also probably means our baby will be an only child - and I feel very ungrateful for feeling any sort of disappointment when I've got what we have longed for for so long.

I was thrilled and relieved to discover that because I'm on all the immune treatment, the clinic wasn't going to discharge me as soon as I'd had my first scan. In fact, I get another scan two weeks after the first one, and then another again at 10 or 12 weeks. I don't think I could have stood waiting for six weeks between scans at this stage, so I'm hugely excited that we'll get to see the baby again in only another 10 days or so.

The clinic only prescribes enough drugs at each appointment to last until the next one, which I suppose is sensible in case anything goes wrong and the drugs are no longer needed, but this caused us huge stress on Tuesday. We were in a strange city, four hours from home, and had no idea where we could go to fill our prescription. After we'd been to two pharmacies that didn't have half the stuff we needed, I rang the clinic in despair and a lovely lovely lady phoned round for me, found a place that had most of what we needed, and then got the doctor to write another prescription for everything they didn't have, because one of the problems we had is that you have to get everything on a single prescription in the same place.

The sticking point was the gestone - nobody had any. I had my jab for Tuesday evening, so sent DH into London with the gestone prescription on Wednesday morning with instructions to pick it up from one of the pharmacies near XXXX clinic during his lunch break. He phoned me in a panic at lunchtime, having tried several different pharmacies and been told the same story at each - there's a national shortage of gestone and he would find it very difficult to get any before the middle of September at the earliest.

After much angst, and the longest lunch break ever for poor DH, he eventually found a pharmacy which had been keeping back two boxes (exactly what we needed) for someone else who hadn't turned up to pick them up, so he sweet-talked the pharmacist into letting him take the two boxes.

That afternoon, I had a lot of twinges in my stomach and some other fairly odd feelings, and I managed to convince myself that although we'd seen a heartbeat the previous day, the baby must surely have died. I felt really sad, and worried every time there was another twinge. I also googled like crazy, and read that if I was miscarrying I could usually expect heavy bleeding and stronger cramps than I was feeling - but I have several friends who've had missed miscarriages, so that only made me feel a little bit better.

Since then, I've been on crazy symptom-watch - am I feeling as sick as I was last week? Why don't I get that dizzy feeling any more? Am I weeing as much as I was? It's 10 pm and I haven't collapsed with exhaustion yet - why not?

And the answer is that I think everything's fine at the moment. Last night I felt as sick as a dog, and this morning I was woken at 5:30 by a wave of nausea that was so strong I really thought I was going to throw up for the first time.

I'm trying my best to go with the flow and just enjoy this whole experience without worrying about every little thing. But don't expect me to be sane or rational for the next few weeks...


  1. So pleased to read this - each day I have checked on to no news I have had a little panic inside for you! How lovely to see that little heart beat and great to have so many other scans coming up! Still hoping for a lovely smooth ride through pregnancy for you.

    What a nightmare with the drugs but glad it all got sorted in the end.

    Here's to the next scan in 10 or so days!

  2. I have been checking this blog every day too just like the reader above. I was getting a little worried with no update and sent a few prayers your way. But SO pleased to click on tonight and see some wonderful news!!
    Take care of yourself - lots of relaxing,naps and yummy food while you can keep it down :)

  3. Another one getting worried here! So pleased you have seen the heartbeat, what a magical moment that must have been. You are totally normal to worry if you are not feeling as sick / tired / weepy etc - I did that too and can safely vouch for everything turning out well even though there were times I no longer 'felt' pregnant. Here's to a continuing happy and healthy 9 months x

  4. Hiya LDOM, I too have been checking on you constantly for an update!! So pleased you saw the hb....but I can empathise with that slight disappointment, my situation is different but we have lost some of our multiples (triplets to singleton and then twins to singleton this time) and its hard when you'd quite hoped for twins. I promise though that the joy your lo you will bring you will ease that immensely (though I personally still think about it quite a bit).

    Symptoms wise I can totally sympathise with that too....mine were up and down both times and you cant help but analyse it. Something that helped me was being told that the hormones rise every 48 hours so you often have a 'bad' day where you feel more symptoms followed by a 'better' day where your body adjusts. It made sense and helped me worry less. Never in my life wanted to feel sick though!! The twinges are very normal and common and are a sign your womb is stretching, which I told myself was a good thing as it means the baby is growing and pushing everything around....if you had a mmc you would feel nothing at all and wouldnt know about it so any signs of stretching is good. But I know that wont help really, you will worry until your next scan, the 12 wk scan, hearing the hb, 20 wk scan, birth and beyond.....that is just what Mummy's do and that is what you are now!!!! Take care and keep us posted. Love TBD (from BE) xxx

  5. OMG, how have I missed the wonderful news!? Just got caught up and am sitting here all teary eyed from happiness - finally girl, I'm so excited for you!!!

  6. I know what you mean about the worries, but I am praying hard that all will be well and that your worries will start to ease up the further along you get. After IF you can never really relax 100%, I know. Have I mentioned how overjoyed I am for you? I still remember praying for you specifically during Lent (Holy Thursday actually) -- of course, I always do pray for you, but this was especially fervent). I just googled it and got chills because that was April 21.

  7. Quite the runaround to get meds, but wonderful that you were able to eventually get what you needed!

    Oh, the beginning is so worrisome...I don't envy you that. But I'm so thrilled for you and eager to here how things are moving along!

  8. Make that "hear" instead of "here". I have a low tolerance for grammatical errors!

  9. Hope all is ok - thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  10. Hoping everything is going well?
    Prayers and hugs your way!!

  11. I've been reading you for a while without commenting and now getting worried! Hope you are ok :)

  12. I keep hoping that you'll pop up in my reader, and I've looked and failed to find an email link, so I'm commenting here to say that I hope everything is ok. Whatever is keeping you away, I hope that you are well, and know that we miss you. :)