Still here...

I've been a rotten blogger recently - I've neither updated my own blog nor commented on anyone else's, though I can assure you that I still think of the people whose blogs I used to read regularly, and pop in from time to time to see how you're doing.

Some of the things that have kept me away are things I can't tell you about, but others are things that I think many bloggers before me have experienced.

I've had a lot of worries and a few major panics since I've been pregnant. I had bleeding at 8 and 12 weeks - proper red blood, about the volume of the first day of a period, followed in each case by a week of spotting. I felt like I was holding my breath until I reached 12 weeks, but I felt guilty about writing about my concerns, because I knew that there were people who might be reading who would give anything to be in my shoes. It just didn't seem fair to complain about being worried, or feeling sick, or not being able to sleep, or anything at all, when actually I was conscious every minute of every day of how incredibly lucky I was to finally be pregnant.

Anyway, I'm now at 16 weeks 5 days. Everything looked good on my 12 week scan - they even bumped my due date forward a few days, because the baby was measuring ahead of dates, though I'm ignoring that, since I know exactly how old the baby really is. Last week I had another appointment with the midwife and heard the heartbeat for the first time (when I've had my scans, I've only seen it).

Right now, I'm waiting to develop a bump which looks more baby than blubber. I think I may have felt the baby move at the weekend (when one of my nieces was lying on my tummy), but haven't really felt anything since which I could say was definitely not just gas, so I'm looking forward to feeling proper kicks more regularly and being able to tell for myself that the baby is still there and doing OK.

I've been overwhelmed with how thrilled people have been for us - not just friends and family, but random people that I've done jobs for over the last year, my nieces' teachers, and even my doctor and the ultrasound technician at our NHS 12 week scan.

Every time someone gets excited on my behalf, I keep thinking, "But what if it all goes wrong and I have to tell all these people that I lost the baby?", and then at the next opportunity I secretly poke my boobs to make sure they're still hurting - and they always are (probably because I spend so much time poking them)!

I also moved straight from feeling sick most of the time to having indigestion and heartburn most of the time, and although I've now been prescribed something to help with the indigestion, I feel fortunate that amidst all this worrying, there really have been very few days when I could say that I didn't feel any different from normal and therefore start panicking that this might mean things had started to go wrong.

I probably won't update very much over the next few months, though I will definitely tell you if anything major happens (like giving birth!). So I just want to thank you for continuing to show an interest, and for all the huge support that so many of you have given me over the last few years.

I may not be updating, but I'm still thinking of you...