Saturday, 9 October 2010


I have a friend who I don't see much of these days. We worked together about 15 years ago, and went on a few holidays together. We went to each other's weddings, and every so often we meet up in a big group with other former colleagues. She has one child, a boy born after she'd been married about five years, and I've always known that she absolutely doted on him. We actually speak to each other probably less than once a year, but we are friends on Facebook.

Her Facebook status today took me slightly by surprise - it announces that Baby Loss Awareness Week starts today.

I don't really know what to do with this. I'm not aware that she's ever lost a baby, but it would certainly explain why her son is quite so precious to her and why he's an only child. And as far as I know, she knows nothing about our IF struggles - unless another mutual friend has mentioned it to her.

I want to acknowledge her status in some way, but I'm not too sure how. Two people have 'liked' it, and it would be very easy just to press that button and forget about it. But I think I'm going to send her an e-mail, and I'm not sure yet what it's going to say. If you post a status update like that, you're bringing something out into the open and it deserves some sort of response.

But how do you find the right words to respond to someone when you're not entirely sure what it is you're responding to?


  1. I actually posted something about this on FB myself, guess what nobody said anything!! You are clearly a sweet caring friend. If you want, you can send her a private message saying something like "thank you for raising awareness of this issue, I am here for you if you need anything or want to talk". I know that would leave the door open, without being pushy, and would let her know you care.

  2. I think you should absolutely respond in some way, whatever way you're most comfortable with! And just be honest. Tell her you aren't aware of what experience in her life might have prompted that status update, but that you appreciate it. And if you are open to discussing it more in depth, tell her so.

  3. I once had a friend email me saying "if I ever become a mother" -- and it made me pause and think, you know what, she's been married a really long time and I know she always wanted kids ... I wonder if she's infertile? I wasn't certain, but I did write an email saying something about how difficult it was for us to get pregnant and that I wasn't sure if she was in the same boat but I was always willing to talk about it if she wanted. Maybe you could just express how much her status struck you because you know many people who have struggled with miscarriage and IF and that you yourself have struggled with IF and you just wanted to acknowledge that whether or not her status was referring to her personally or not, it really made you stop and think and pray for those women. Definitely email her though!