I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the moment. On the job front, I'm wondering if I've overestimated my abilities and might be better off just looking for the sort of ordinary, dull job that I've been so strongly resisting. I spent yesterday doing some research on the internet and convincing myself that I've been completely deluded about my level of ability and that there's no way anyone will give me money for what I do.
On the baby front, I'm simultaneously looking forward to the opportunity to try again at the IVF and dreading it, because once it's over, that's it and there are no more chances. At the moment, I just can't see it succeeding, and part of me is thinking that we should just accept that and not waste another huge chunk of money on it, especially at a time when I don't have a job. Another part of me panics and feels weepy even at the thought of not having another go.
I've been given the details of a fertility coach who lives nearby, and tomorrow I'm going to give her a call. I've reached a stage where I desperately need to talk this through with someone completely objective who can help me to make sense of the way I'm feeling.