And there's a phrase I never expected to hear myself say (see myself type?)!
I phoned the clinic today to tell them that my new cycle had begun, and I have an appointment to go in for a scan and a lesson in how to give myself injections on Friday afternoon (it would have been the morning, but there's something I can't get out of at work). Because of my high FSH and low AMH, I'm on the short protocol.
So as of Friday, I'll be on daily injections of the highest dosage of Gonal-F. At some stage I'll also be having Cetrotide - I'm not sure if that's a one-off or also a daily thing, and I'm not sure if it starts at the same time. Then in a little over two weeks I'll have a trigger injection of Ovitrelle, and then twice daily Cyclogest suppositories and junior aspirin from embryo transfer day onwards.
I expect to part with a significant sum of money on Friday, so it's lucky I cleared my credit card balance at the weekend.
How do I feel? Well, excited that at last we're going to be Doing Something. But also a little apprehensive about the injections. Still scared about having a lot of pain when they do the embryo transfer. Conscious of the low success rate, and the number of hurdles at which we could possibly fall. Nervous about possible side effects from all the drugs. Terrified that it's going to fail and I'll have to go through it all again - or even worse, be told that there's no point in going through it all again because the odds of success are so low.
And now I intend to put those negative feelings behind me. If the mind has any influence over the body, there's no way I'm going to jeopardise the success of this cycle by being negative. I'm going to take this one step at a time, visualise success at every stage, breathe deeply and pray whenever I feel any doubt creeping in, and keep my stress levels as low as possible.
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In a weird twist, yesterday was Day 1 for me too - not CD 1 because we're not trying, but in some strange way, I feel like I can keep you company just by being on the same day... Also filled with positive thought and prayers and vibes and praying that the injections are a cinch to administer!! It's exciting - yay for CD 1!!!
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Thinking of you today - will give you a call next week, or possibly over the weekend. I know you'll do great at the injections; just remember we are all thinking of you and storming the gates of Heaven XXXXXXXXXXX
ReplyDeleteThanks Jeannie - I really appreciate the way you always read and comment on my posts. I'll let you know how it goes... xx
ReplyDeleteI am nervous about the embryo transfer (and egg retrieval, for that matter), too! As I am typing this my back is killing me because my ovaries are like lead weights. I have to go into NYC tomorrow for an ultrasound/blood, so we'll see how many eggs I am cooking!
ReplyDeleteYour note about my friend makes a lot of sense. I certainly understand that the trials of being single are difficult. I would say that they are a unique kind of pain that is different than infertility but not necessarily better in any way. My friend is only 26 though and kind of dating someone, so I think it's different than being 37 and in the same situation. I feel for you that you had/have to experience both types of pain. =(