That Friend

You know the one - I'm sure we all have one. She and her husband had only to decide that they might like a baby, and BAM! - there she was, up the duff. She sailed through her pregnancy, and since her baby was born every Facebook status update has said things like "That Friend is very proud of her little girl today", "That Friend thinks her little girl is just too cute" and "That Friend is glad her little girl is finally asleep". Every e-mail is full of how clever and amazing the little girl has been recently, occasionally interspersed with grumbles about tantrums and sleep problems.

You made the mistake of confiding in That Friend when it first became clear that it wasn't going to be as easy as you'd hoped for you to conceive, and she immediately advised you that you were trying too hard and should just relax. "Look at us," she breezed. "We never tried at all - we thought we'd just stop the Pill and start trying the following month, but by the following month I was already pregnant."

When you'd had the tests and she was still counselling relaxation, you felt like shoving your test results straight down her smug little throat. How could she still go on about how easy it was when you had a specific medical explanation (actually, more than one) for the fact that you weren't getting pregnant? Did she also breezily advise cancer patients that they should just pull themselves together and not be such wusses, because she'd never had cancer and she was sure it was just because she had the right sort of attitude?

But although your communications with her became less frequent, you still kept in touch with her, because, blind side concerning conception apart, she still had her good points and your friendship ran deeper than the hurtful little comments. And besides, she wasn't INTENTIONALLY hurting you - she just couldn't understand, because she had never been in your position. And you always knew she wasn't the most empathetic person on earth.

Well, guess what?! I heard from That Friend yesterday. And her great long e-mail was only 50% about her little girl this time. Because the other 50% was all about the fact that she's now pregnant with Number 2. And they've only just decided to start trying!

And before you ask, yes, she does know that things are a bit more serious at our end than just a simple need to relax - after telling me all about her symptoms, how exhausted she is with this pregnancy, how it compares to her first pregnancy, and how nervous she is about her 12 week scan, she did remember to say before she signed off, "By the way, how's the IVF going?"

So you can give me a serious pat on the back today, because not only did I not pick my laptop up, jump up and down on it and throw it out of the window, but I actually responded to her e-mail with suitable congratulations.

And I think you'll agree that for that alone, I deserve for the universe to reward me with some similar news of my own some time soon...