Friday, 28 May 2010

No easy answers

The two major upheavals going on in my life continue to run in tandem.

On Wednesday, I received an offer of voluntary redundancy, which is valid for a period of one week only. I still don't know what roles might be on offer after the restructuring, what the likelihood is of me getting one, or whether we will succeed in persuading the firm to change its mind about some key elements of the new job descriptions that we're not happy with. I'm unlikely to have any more information to help me make that decision before the deadline has passed, so either I make a firm decision and leap into voluntary redundancy now, or I wait and see how the situation unfolds. For the moment, I'm waiting.

Also on Wednesday, my AF turned up. I didn't particularly want to go ahead with treatment this cycle - there's too much going on at work, my FIL's in hospital again, my sister's just had her baby, my US brother and his family are coming over next week and there's a family holiday planned... But once again, I didn't want to be forced to make an actual decision not to go ahead, just in case of this was our only opportunity.

I was at the hospital with MIL when XXX clinic called with the results of my CD 2 blood test yesterday, and I missed the call. So I don't know all my levels, and haven't had a chance to discuss it with them - I'm waiting for a nurse to call me back.

What I do know is that my FSH this month is 12.3, and they don't recommend going ahead with treatment. Which is what I wanted really - I couldn't have coped with treatment this cycle on top of everything else.

But... that FSH level seems to be creeping up again. It's still not as high as it was last summer, but it's higher than last month, which was higher than on my monitoring cycle in March. And I actually did a bit of I-know-I-shouldn't-but-I-will-anyway Googling last night, and found something that suggested that if anything, stress actually LOWERS FSH, rather than raising it as I had thought.

So I'm happy to be going on the family holiday, and not to be turning into a pincushion for another month, but now I'm nervous about whether my levels will be suitable next month. And XXXX clinic seems to operate a 'three strikes and you're out' policy, so if my FSH is still high next month, that might be the end of the road with them.

I'm nervous. In a month's time, I could be forced to take a job that combines all the worst elements of my existing job and takes away all the fun parts, at the same time as facing another rejection from Mr Miracle Worker. Or I could have a redundancy cheque, the prospect of a summer off and an orange to practise my injections on.

The one thing I'm clinging onto is that my next AF is due on 21 or 22 June. And that means that if my FSH is OK next cycle, then egg collection, embryo transfer and beta testing would all be in July. And who could ever have predicted that...?


  1. I'm literally keeping everything crossed for you. You deserve this so much! x

  2. Sorry for the job trouble -- I hope it turns out better than it seems!
    Also, I'm certainly no expert on FSH, but I think estimating the effects of stress is a very difficult question, so perhaps your levels look better next month despite less stress. Fingers crossed!

  3. What an awful lot of stress all at once, and it seems you are faced with some crappy decision at every turn. I'll certainly be keeping my fingers crossed that the tides turn and things with your job work out better than anticipated and that your FSH cooperates in the lucky month of July!

  4. Oh Hope Springs, I'm so sorry I've been an awol commenter recently, I'm such a bad blog friend and have been so caught up in my own world that I haven't ventured out much. Sorry.

    I haven't heard anything about fsh and stress and without knowing anything about it I'd say to tread lightly on the advice that Dr GOogle gives, he's seldom helpful and mostly ambiguous so as much as possible we need to treat his advice with a grain of salt (I am saying this to myself as much as you as he's been NO help to me with my furious google searches on low progesterone!).
    I hope the clinic doesnt operate on a 3 strikes and your out method as that seems really unfair. FSH can fluctuate so much so I hope you get under the 10 benchmark by next test but I also hope it doesnt mean they turf you out on the street if your result comes back above it.
    I'm sorry you are having to deal with the redundancy things on top of this, but the thing about redundancy is that it has nothing to do with you personally. I know its impossible to see it that way when it's your career on the line but the decisions that have lead to the company having to turn to redundancy have nothing to do with your work performance. So in that respect you have no control over it, sometimes that makes it harder, but other times that can make it easier as there really is nothing you could do to stop things from progressing as they have.
    Gosh, I really don't think i'm helping here but I really hope things swing in your favour soon, and I like the idea of July being YOUR month!!!