Thursday, 13 May 2010

One problem he can solve

When I had my little meltdown the other day, one of the more minor things I told DH I was worried about was this weekend.

We're due to spend Saturday night with DH's oldest friend and drinking buddy, who we haven't seen for a few months. He and his wife don't have children, and don't like children very much (although I do wonder which came first, because I also understand that she had some sort of fertility issues). And every time we've spent the night with them in the past, it's turned into a massive drinking session.

I've raised it a couple of times and said that of course DH can have a couple of drinks, but asked him to exercise moderation. He's laughed it off, and he made a comment to a friend last Sunday that we would be away this Saturday "and a lot of alcohol will be consumed".

I mentioned my concern to him, and he instantly looked contrite and said, "I should have told you earlier and not made jokes about it."

And what he thought he should have told me is that he had already decided that he wouldn't have even the one or two drinks we had talked about, because drinking a limited amount would make his friend suspicious anyway. So he had decided to come clean, tell them that we're not drinking, and explain why. He hasn't yet decided whether to tell them about the two failed IVFs we've already had, but he is going to tell them about the regime we're on at the moment, and that we're preparing for IVF.

I have no idea how the conversation will go on Saturday - whether his friend will be sympathetic or hostile towards the idea, given that he and his wife decided that they didn't want children and would not pursue any sort of fertility treatment; whether his friend will make jokes about DH 'firing blanks' (a distinct possibility, since his friend has rather an off-colour sense of humour); whether they'll accept that we're not drinking or try to persuade him to have 'just one or two' (since he always ends up drinking more than he intended with this friend).

But I'm so grateful that DH has finally hoisted on board how important this is, and is even willing to go further than I would ever have asked him to go in this respect.


  1. Blooming heck your mini meltdown seems to have brought soooooooo many things into conversation!

    I'll be thinking and hiping for you on Saturday!

  2. Your DH rock! Even if he does end up having a drink or two, his intentions are better than good.

    We have friends like that, it always end up being a drunk-fest when we get together. They don't have kids either, she had cancer and he doesn't want any. Can't help but think we drink so much to avoid our common sorrow.

  3. WOW, you husband has turned a corner and I'm so proud of him. It would not be easy for him to have that conversation with his friend and he's obviously given it a lot of thought.

    You must be beaming with pride, but then I guess it's nothing less that the sacrifices you are making on your side either!

    I'm sure the events that conspire on Saturday will make for an interesting blog post!!!

  4. As hard as it is for us women to talk about IF, I imagine it is that much harder for our husbands. Not sure what your husband has been imbibing lately, but he should keep drinking that koolaid, it's good for the both of you. I hope all went well with him telling his buddy the truth!