Decision made

I had a call from XXXX clinic yesterday. My immune test results had come back - cytokines, thyroid function and various things I didn't have time to write down all came back within the normal range, which is good.

The one thing that was out of range was natural killer cells. Two of them were within normal range. Then there was one called CD56 which has a range of 2 to 12, and my result was 17.1, and another two called CD19 and CD5 which have a range of 5 to 12, and my result was 23.8. I have NO idea what all that means, but will spend some time with Mr Google when I have a spare moment.

The recommendation is that I may need treatment with IVIg (which costs over £1,000 - ouch!) and/or dexamethazone, which is a type of steroid. The treatment would be done during the treatment cycle if needed, but since levels of natural killer cells can vary, they would test again during the first week of stimming to see if I still need it.

The next stage is to organise the hysteroscopy, then on the first day of the treatment cycle I have to go for a blood test, have a scan, another blood test and an lesson on how to mix my injections the next day, and then it's all systems go.

I've been increasingly feeling that to go through treatment this cycle would be a step too far - my back is still sore, DH and I really want to spend the Easter weekend with my family, we've got his family to sort out, I'm ridiculously busy at work for the next fortnight, and adding IVF to all of that just seemed a bit much. Plus we were told not to try for a baby until we'd finished the four month course of supplements, and while the four months won't be up by the next cycle after this one, we will be that much closer to the end.

The thing that bothered me about making the decision was that there's never really a convenient time for such an intensive treatment, and if we put it off for the sake of convenience, I was afraid we might never get round to it. And I felt as though I needed to demonstrate my commitment by going for the first opportunity I possibly could - putting baby-making first above all else, regardless of how difficult that might be at the time.

But I don't need to 'earn' the right to get pregnant, and if the timing isn't right, it'll add to the stress of the whole experience.

Since we had our first appointment at the old clinic last summer and got our diagnosis, we've done everything as quickly as we could - we did our first IVF as soon as we could, and our second straight after, and then we took a very short break before moving on to XXXX clinic. I didn't want to look into Foresight before we did it, because that would cause a delay and I felt that time was of the essence. And here we are, a year after we first started talking seriously about getting tested, with two IVF failures behind us and with some evidence that the Foresight programme is actually helping us.

So I've decided that there's no rush after all, that we don't have to go into the next cycle no matter what, and that there's a benefit to being a bit calmer about all this. The nurse I spoke to thought it was a sensible choice, so when AF shows up this Friday, we're going to go up to my parents' house regardless and have a jolly good, relaxing weekend.

So, we have four more weeks to whip our chaps into shape, and in the meantime, we're making haste slowly...