Monday, 14 December 2009

Whinging again

As we came out of church yesterday, there was a woman walking in front of us with two small boys. The smaller was dragging his feet, whinging, whining and whimpering: "I'm too tired. I want to be carried."

We got into our car, and I said to DH, "I feel like that little boy today. I'm in a really horrible mood."

He gave me a disparaging look and just said, "Yes" - and that single syllable seemed filled with disapproval and accusation.

We had some shopping to do, and he clearly didn't want to go with me, so I dropped him at home and took my miserable mood off to the shops.

Several hours later, I arrived home laden with shopping, and the first thing he did was apologise for upsetting me. I said I couldn't understand why he had reacted that way when all I was asking for was a bit of much-needed sympathy and comfort.

"I figured it out while you were gone," he said. "There's something else behind this, isn't there? Is it about the IVF?"

I said I was almost certain that there would be no good news for us on Friday, but I was also desperately tired and had felt as though there was a pressure cooker building up inside me in the morning. I told him the fact that I know most of the symptoms I'm suffering are just side effects of the Cyclogest doesn't make them any less real or any less uncomfortable.

And then, for the first time ever, he put his arms around me and started to cry with huge, gulping sobs, and we stood there for several minutes, holding each other and both weeping.

And today I'm waiting for our world to end and still feeling like that little boy outside the church.

I'm tired. I want to be carried.


  1. HUGE HUGE HUGS to you both - this stress is horrible and I wish I could help in some way XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  2. Its such a stressful time its ridiculous, I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through and am right here with you in your feelings.... Lets try to quell the bad thoughts for now, I know its hard and I can't promise I'll be able to keep up with that promise myself but all we can do is try to be kind to ourselves and although its natural to feel a bit negative right now after everything you've been through, don't write this cycle off yet, it definately aint over and I am still crossing everything and doing every good luck dance possible for you that you get a lovely result and the end of your 2ww. BIG HUGS

  3. Lots of big hugs to you both! I'm glad that you can lean on each other in this whole mess and find some comfort.

    Really hoping and praying for some good news for you today.

  4. Oh darling, I wish there was something I could say to ease your stress. Thinking of you xxx Coco xxx

  5. Ldom please try to stay strong (easier said than done I know)

    Let the love you feel for your dh and nieces "carry you" you are not alone .

    I remember when I felt rock bottom your little jingles and "waiting room" post carried me somewhat. And I wish I could do the same for you, but im rubbish with wrds and am no where near you to offer a shoulder or a hug , but you do have my email and am always at the end of the computer ready to listen and comfort you in any way I can ( I completly understand how that could be hard for you atm though). xxxxxxxxxxxx

    Fingers crossed there is "no" news today (you know what I mean)

    Gem (stuckinlimbo)

  6. I am so sorry you and your DH are feeling so low right now. I wish there was something I could do to make everything okay. Everyone else is right though -- it's not over til it's over. I know how tired you are, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I know you feel like you can't keep going right now ... but hold on. We're carrying you (virtually) and will be no matter what the outcome. *hugs*