Wednesday, 7 April 2010


The story goes that there are two queues at the pearly gates for men to get into Heaven. One of the queues is for henpecked husbands, and it stretches for miles and miles and miles. The other queue, for husbands who reckon they have never been henpecked, has never had anybody standing in it - until the day St Peter notices one grey-haired little man nervously standing there on his own.

St Peter rushes up to the man and shakes him by the hand, saying, "This is amazing! We've never had anybody in this queue before! Every man in Paradise is going to want to shake you by the hand! Tell me, how is it that you come to be standing here?"

And the little man clears his throat nervously and in a low voice, he says, "My wife told me to stand here."

Unfortunately, my DH thinks it's highly amusing to give everyone the impression that he's henpecked - and my family have swallowed it hook, line and sinker, and all keep telling me to give him a break and not to be so bossy with him. I told him on Sunday night how much it bothers me, and he agreed that he was being unfair, that he was playing it up and giving them an unfair impression - and then he did exactly the same thing again on Monday.

We've agreed together that we want to have a baby. We both have issues - and although I've tried to shield him from it in an attempt to boost his confidence, his sperm count is one of the worst I've heard about in all the reading I've done. We both agreed to do something about it, and we both agreed to get this hair analysis done and to take the recommended supplements. And we've seen that it is having an effect - which is why I'm anxious for us both to continue doing it for the full recommended length of time and not start backsliding and undo the good that we've already done.

So why is it that when he's with my family, he'll either completely ignore the things we've agreed to do (so that I either have to bite my tongue and see the good work of the last couple of months be undone in a couple of days or say something and be seen as the bad guy) or he'll be on the verge of accepting something he knows full well he shouldn't have and will then turn to me with a rather pathetic look and say "Am I allowed to have this?" (again, making me out to be the bad guy)?

And then my parents and my sister will say to me, "Leave the poor chap alone - he can make his own decisions" - completely ignoring (or unaware of) the fact that we made these decisions together.

So DH gets all the support and sympathy because he finds it hard to follow the programme that we have - let me say this again - BOTH agreed to, and my family are all criticising me for getting upset when he goes back on our agreement.

And does he think I find it easy to follow the programme? We're both giving up things we enjoy, and if this works, I'll be giving them up for a lot longer than he has to.

So that's why I'm so grateful for the support that you all give me, because sometimes it feels as though in real life, I have no support at all.


  1. Oh it's so hard when this happens! I am sorry to hear it is making you feel like this and that even though you have talked about how it makes you feel with him he continues to make you feel the same.

    In nowhere near the same situation but my husband often does the whole turnign to me and asking if he is allowed to do things - e.g. have a drink/ go out for dinner etc etc when we have both agreed that we need to save money or are not drinking etc and it drives me mad of course I am not his keeper and like you say it makes me out to be the bad guy but when we have made a joint decision there is no way it should be like that.

    all I can say is AAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

    Hope the hard work of the supplements continues to pay off for BOTH of you (and maybe you need to stop shielding him because as you say both of you have difficulties)


  2. Oh Hope Springs, this is hard.
    I think there are 2 things at play here. 1) is obviously your DH's weakness in not taking responsibility and 2) is outsiders giving unwelcome advice or opinions.
    Both suck and I'm sure deep down you hubby does want this every bit as much as you do but he probably finds it harder to be open about it and its easier for him to let everyone else believe that he's henpecked instead. This would be fine, except for the main flaw in his plan.... you get hurt in the process. He really needs to understand what a horrible position he puts you in when he does this.
    And you know we are always here to support you, through everything... you are definately not alone. xx

  3. That is an extremely frustrating position to be in. I wonder if your DH acts this way as a way of covering up his own insecurities/fears? Like maybe he feels overwhelmed by the diet (not that this is an excuse because it's clearly working and worth it) or deep down realizes how poor his sperm have been and instead of talking to you he tries to gloss over it with (what he interprets as) humor?

    It still stinks no matter the reason. =(

  4. Why is it that our own families so often side with our partners? My parents are sickly in love with PB and he can do no wrong. Naturally, I would never in a million years lead them to believe otherwise, but the downside of that is...they know all your shortcomings and none of his. It skews their perspective in his direction. Not sure there is anything to be done about it, but it certainly sucks. That he laps it all up or feeds the frenzy only serves to make things worse.

    I wish I knew what to say. It's just frustrating and unfair. And egghunt is right. You are definitely not alone.