I was talking to my mother this morning about plans for the next couple of months, which are pretty hectic with my sister's baby due and my brother and SIL and their seven children coming over from the US on holiday.
I mentioned that I wasn't always finding the excitement about my sister's baby easy, because of the fact that I found out she was pregnant the day I realised I had lost Rucksack and Ray-Ray. And she said that she'd been thinking about that too, and wishing that she could do something to help.
I'm so glad I brought it up, because I don't think she would have done, and we actually had a really good talk - about next steps at XXXX clinic, our adoption plans if this doesn't work, and about my sister's situation.
I want to make it clear that I know my sister's situation is also not ideal - her husband works long hours and usually doesn't get home during the week until after the children are in bed, this fourth baby was unplanned, they don't have a lot of space in their house, and she has her own health issues. This baby will be loved and welcomed by everyone, but it does make her life more complicated. And the reality is that being pregnant when you didn't want to be can be as difficult and life-changing as not being pregnant when you did want to be.
Anyway, we had a really good talk, and I now realise that although they never made it beyond the bunch-of-cells stage, Rucksack and Ray-Ray (and little Viennetta) have not been forgotten. And knowing that somehow makes it easier to look forward to the birth of my next nephew or niece with a whole lot more positivity.