Saturday, 17 April 2010

I told my mother

I was talking to my mother this morning about plans for the next couple of months, which are pretty hectic with my sister's baby due and my brother and SIL and their seven children coming over from the US on holiday.

I mentioned that I wasn't always finding the excitement about my sister's baby easy, because of the fact that I found out she was pregnant the day I realised I had lost Rucksack and Ray-Ray. And she said that she'd been thinking about that too, and wishing that she could do something to help.

I'm so glad I brought it up, because I don't think she would have done, and we actually had a really good talk - about next steps at XXXX clinic, our adoption plans if this doesn't work, and about my sister's situation.

I want to make it clear that I know my sister's situation is also not ideal - her husband works long hours and usually doesn't get home during the week until after the children are in bed, this fourth baby was unplanned, they don't have a lot of space in their house, and she has her own health issues. This baby will be loved and welcomed by everyone, but it does make her life more complicated. And the reality is that being pregnant when you didn't want to be can be as difficult and life-changing as not being pregnant when you did want to be.

Anyway, we had a really good talk, and I now realise that although they never made it beyond the bunch-of-cells stage, Rucksack and Ray-Ray (and little Viennetta) have not been forgotten. And knowing that somehow makes it easier to look forward to the birth of my next nephew or niece with a whole lot more positivity.


  1. I'm so glad to hear this. It's wonderful that your mom was thinking of you and your little ones all along and must be comforting that someone sees it from your point of view.

  2. What a lovely post - it's put a warm cosy feeling in my tummy!

  3. I'm so pleased you cleared the air with your mother. Sometimes the worse case scenarios end up to only be real in our minds and those people we feel sure would not understand us quite often suprise us with their compassion. Its lovely that she has been thinking of Rucksack & Rayray too and that she is aware of your upcoming IVF plans. I think family are more inclined to be compassionate when they are kept in the loop a bit so I am so pleased you opened up to your mother. xxx

  4. It's really wonderful that you had that conversation with your mother. You must feel so much better having gotten it off your chest and having someone in your family understand and support you. And it feels so good when you stop keeping everything so close to the vest doesn't it? So glad that you've found some bit of relief and validation :)