Thursday, 8 April 2010

The perfect family

I have a friend to whom everything in life has come easily. She sailed through school, went to one of the top universities in the country, won prizes in her professional exams, met her husband at university, fell pregnant with her first child the minute she stopped taking the pill, and was pregnant again as soon as she decided she wanted a second.

Her Facebook status updates are all about how brilliant and amazing her first child is - and recently we've had loads of updates about how eager she is to meet her new baby, how she really hopes to go into labour soon, and then asking for prayers as she goes through labour (pausing in her journey to the hospital only to update her Facebook status).

And now she's had her perfect second child - she has a boy and a girl, with the perfect age gap between them, and her perfect life continues.

She, of course, advised me that I should just relax and it would happen. She also told me about her friend who got pregnant as soon as she started the application process for adoption, and her other friend who got pregnant naturally after a failed IVF. Apparently the only reason I haven't had a baby yet is because I have the wrong attitude.

Can I just say how much it stuck in my throat to write 'Congratulations' on her Facebook page yesterday?


  1. I have a friend like that. I love her to bits but she always manages to get everything so easily. I know that makes me sound completely ungrateful and spiteful and I'm not going to say I'm not. She recently got married (she's the one I was bridesmaid for in Dec) and I just know she'll get pregnant any second and I am absolutely dreading that conversation because as much as I love her and she is one of my dearest friends, I know I won't be happy for her. I know thats a terrible thing to say but it is me being honest. I can imagine how much you wanted to punch the computer screen yesterday when you were 'congratulating' your friend via FB. It's bittersweet, but more bitter than sweet. xx

  2. I am amzed you even managed to make a comment on facebook I don't think I could be that gracious!

  3. Wow, I am with Anonymous on this one ... it's such a shame that someone can have such a charmed life and turn around and be thoughtless/insensitive to someone else who is struggling. I wish having everything so easy made those people more grateful and compassionate.

  4. Me, too on being with anonymous. You are such a big person for having said anything. Her insensitivity didn't warrant it.

    The thing with people like that is, since nothing bad has happened to them, they are beyond naive. They really don't understand the concept of disappointment or of not getting what it is you want. Naturally, they just assume that yours is on it's way as well, it's just taking a longer route, or you don't understand the right way to get there (obviously they know all too well, so who better to give advice, right? Not!).

    It's frustrating. And it hurts. And I wish I knew a better way to deal with it than hiding out. At least you were able to choke something out. Given the same circumstances in reverse, do you think she would have had the strength to do that for you?