Not this month

Yesterday was CD 1, so this morning I dropped into XXXX clinic for a blood test on my way to work.

The call came early in the afternoon. The nurse told me that Mr Miracle Worker had reviewed my results, and because my FSH level was slightly higher than he would like, he did not recommend that I go ahead with treatment this cycle.

I had to press further to get actual numbers - FSH 11.4, oestradiol 143 and LH 7.3. This compares with the monitoring cycle I had in March, where the corresponding numbers were 9.1, 220 and 4.7, and the original tests I had last summer, where the numbers were 13.2, 156 and 5.3.

Looked at in the round, then, these figures are probably the best I've had so far, so I think things are still moving in the right direction.

I pointed out that the oestradiol was quite a lot lower than on the monitoring cycle, and that high oestradiol can artificially reduce the FSH level. The nurse sort of accepted that, but said that it's FSH that they concentrate on. The magic figure for me to cycle is FSH below 10. I did also read in their literature that they don't like to treat women with oestradiol above 200, so I'm pleased that's a lot lower this time.

The FSH still isn't as bad as it was last summer, but is obviously higher than on my monitoring cycle. Since I have shown that I can get an FSH below 10, Mr Miracle Worker doesn't want to treat me in a month when it's above 10.

Am I disappointed? Well, a little - it means more waiting, and there's always the worry that my FSH might never come back down again.

But then again, it allows us to complete the four month Foresight programme before we go into the actual treatment cycle, and DH has promised faithfully that he will stick to the programme for another month and won't get plastered when we go to visit his old drinking buddy in a couple of weeks' time.

And this week has not exactly been stress-free, and the next few weeks won't be too much better, so it'll be better to go ahead with the treatment when things at work are a bit less up in the air.

And it allows me to concentrate on my sister and being available to give her whatever help she needs with the arrival of her latest baby now imminent.

And for as long as we haven't completed this cycle, we still have hope, so in many ways I'm a little afraid to get started, and quite happy in a cowardly sort of way to accept any delays that are forced on us.

So I'm a little bit disappointed, a little bit relieved, and now I have another 25 days to kill before I can go back and try again.