Thank you so much for all your prayers and good wishes. Unfortunately, the answer, once again, was a resounding 'NO'.
My HCG was less than 1. This embryo didn't even try to implant.
So what does this mean? I only had one usable egg this time. I'm a poor responder par excellence, and the eggs I do get don't seem to be good enough.
Was it just bad luck? Or are my eggs so old and crappy that I'm never going to produce a decent, viable embryo? And why should that be, when my mother didn't enter the menopause until she was over 50, and my grandmother gave birth when she was in her 40s? Isn't that supposed to be an indicator of something? I'm 40 - I know I'm no spring chicken, but my ovaries shouldn't be completely old and withered at this age.
I'm so angry at the unfairness of it all. DH and I are good people. We'd be good parents. We've done everything we could to make this work. We worked as though everything depended on us and prayed as though everything depended on God. We've smiled and made happy noises for the casually fertile, even when we were dying inside. We've looked after other people's babies when our arms were aching to hold our own. Why is it never our turn? What have we done to deserve this emptiness and unhappiness?
DH would like to try one more time. I don't know. We threw everything at it this time. We'd been eating healthily and taking ridiculous numbers of supplements for months. We had immune testing. We had daily blood tests. We gave up alcohol. I gave up caffeine. We had expensive and painful drug regimes for pretty much every eventuality. It was the best shot we could possibly have given it. And our embryo didn't even begin to implant.
We'll book our follow-up appointment, and ask our questions about what they really thought of the quality of our embryo, and why they think I responded so badly. And then we'll ask them whether they genuinely think there's any point in trying again - because I'm not prepared to go through this again without a realistic chance of success.
We could be at the end of the road here.