Review appointment and a kick in the teeth

Well, we went down to the clinic today for our review appointment, and I was very pleased that we were seen by the guy who did my egg collection and embryo transfer, who is a lovely, warm and caring chap.

He said that our embryo was graded 3/4, with 4 being the best on their scale, but obviously it wasn't ideal that I only had one - interestingly, given that the HFEA is really pushing single embryo transfer now, he said that even in younger women with higher success rates, single embryo transfer reduces the chances of success by about 30%.

He basically said that my ovaries are knackered, and that they can't work miracles. While there are always going to be success stories with a single egg and a single embryo, and while he can't say for sure that we wouldn't be successful, he wants us to be realistic and appreciate that our odds of success are very low (he didn't put a figure on it, and I didn't ask).

However, he said that because I do have immune issues and have only had one cycle in which those issues were addressed, if it was him he would probably have one more go - but no more than one.

I asked him about DHEA, and he said it could help - and actually gave me a prescription for it, so I'll be taking that from tomorrow.

I also asked if Clomid could help my response, and he said they do use it sometimes, but the problem is that it can sometimes reduce the thickness of the uterine lining. They probably will add it in for me next time.

DH's sperm were about the same as when we had our first appointment there - 5m/ml (down from 6m), 10% morphology (same as last time) and 50% motility (up from 35%) - so a huge improvement on last year, but still not brilliant. The doctor recommended that he take 1 mg of Vitamin C and 800 units of Vitamin E a day to try to improve his sperm, so I bought those supplements when I picked up the DHEA.

They recommend that you wait at least two or three cycles before trying again, as the treatment cycle is so intensive and your body needs time to recuperate. That means we'll have about three months of the vitamins, DHEA and wheatgrass - hopefully long enough to see an effect, if there's going to be one. So we're back to waiting, and when my November AF shows up I'll go in for a CD1 blood test.

He was very kind, and as encouraging as he could be while still being realistic. The truth is that if we don't get lucky next time round, it's game over for us - and after DH sat there listening to the guy saying how low our chances were, I need to wait and find out whether he still thinks it's worth even going for this one more chance.

I managed to get halfway through the consultation before I started to cry, and then I just couldn't stop.

My emotional state wasn't helped by the phone call that I received while we were in the waiting room before going in to see him. I had a job interview last Wednesday that went really well, then a second interview this Wednesday which was a bit disastrous. For various reasons, I had been given the impression that this job was in the bag, and it's one of the things that made me worry less about my redundancy. They chose this lunchtime to call and tell me that they didn't want me after all. Some people's timing just sucks.