Well, I spent pretty much the whole of yesterday in tears, except for a brief period while my sister was here with her three children. Depression not being my natural state, I now need to forget about this cycle - apart from the brief interlude on Friday when I have to POAS for form's sake and then tell the clinic I'm not pregnant - and look to the future.
And the future is ... becoming an aunt again. My poor sister, to whom I had been on the phone in tears in the morning over my failure, had to tell me that she's expecting her fourth. She was so worried about upsetting me, but wanted to make sure I heard it from her before anyone else knew and was able to let it slip. And she wanted to tell me in person, which is why she had asked if she could come and see us today.
I couldn't possibly be jealous of my sister - the baby she's having is not one of the babies I'd built my dreams on, and we're so close that I know I'll have a great relationship with this new little one. We're both sad that we won't be going through this together - but if we're successful on our second cycle, I won't be far behind and our little one will have a playmate just down the road (my sister lives about 40 minutes' drive from us).
After the devastation and tears of yesterday, it's nice that we're looking forward to welcoming a new life into the family after all, and that we have something positive to focus on.
And just to make it good news all round - Myndful got her BFP yesterday as well, and I'm chuffed to bits for her.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm glad you're ok honey and you're being so wonderful about it. We heard in the morning (birthday call) and I spent the day being so worried about you. HUGS XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
ReplyDeleteShe's my little sister and I love her - it did come a bit out of the blue and she was so worried about telling me that she didn't sound happy about it at all. But I'm fine, and I told her that whatever ends up happening with us, I'm happy for her - and I meant it.
ReplyDeleteI am, on the other hand, totally intending to be out of the office the day my colleague brings his baby in to show her off to the department. I don't love him, and I am only human ;¬) xxx
So you're definitely sure it's a no-go? I can't help still holding out a little hope ... *sigh* I hate all this.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you were okay about your sister getting pregnant. I am waiting for the day when my sister and SIL get pregnant again (both of them want babies not too far apart and their firsts are getting fairly old now). I don't think I will be able to be as gracious as you! I suspect I will end up hiding in my house for 9 months. =(
Appointment went well this morning ... waiting on the phone call to see what my levels are. My acupuncture appt. is tomorrow and the hypnotherapy CD shipped yesterday. Fingers crossed.
Wish I could take you out for coffee and a good cry fest, but know that you're on my mind.
Big, big hugs.... I admire your bravery in dealing with your sister's news. Of course, you are happy for her, but it still stings....
ReplyDeleteHolding out hope for you...
I admire your strength, I would not have handled that news as well as you did. You are amazing. I am still holding out some hope for you.
ReplyDeleteAre you 100% sure that you're out of the game this round? I hope that's not really the case. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteAs for your sister's news, you are stronger than I. And a much better person. When my SIL announced her pregnancy a few months back, I thought I would just die.
You're amazing. And don't you forget it!
Thank you so much for all your kind comments - if I'm strong and handled it well, it's only because my family have been so supportive through all this, and my sister really knew what a big deal this would be for me and broke it to me as gently as she could. And I do adore all my nephews and nieces, so I can't be sad that another one is on its way.
ReplyDeleteIn answer to the question that some of you asked, I'm not 100% sure that I'm out - but I'm 95% sure, and that little 5% grain of hope is killing me. I'd be delighted to be proved wrong, but for the sake of my sanity, I have to believe that I'm going to be proved right. There's nothing to do but wait until Friday, and I can't afford to get my hopes up again only to have them dashed when I test.
But thank you so much for keeping up a bit of hope on my behalf - I really appreciate it, and I do secretly hope that you'll be right and I'll be wrong...
I agree with the others... you are an amazing and strong and selfless person to be able to welcome your sisters news with open arms at a time when things are uncertain for you. I echo what Myndful said as when my brother told me him & his wife were expecting I was polite but then pretty much cut myself off from them as I literally could not deal with the thought of someone so close being where I wanted to be. Once I cooled down and got my thoughts together I went back to them and apologised for my reaction but they were understanding and I since found out they had suffered a m/c previously and that made me realise that sometimes people who you think are getting things so easily secretly had to struggle a bit too. Anyway, I am keeping you in my thoughts too and really really hope that 5% you are hanging on is the number that matters.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a beautiful way to say it: "the baby she's having is not one of the babies I'd built my dreams on." Congratulations that you're becoming an aunt again, even with the bittersweetness of the event.
ReplyDeleteSuch an inspirational post! I have admittedly not been quite as gracious about the BFPs announced in my life since we started this process. You strength is an inspiration to me. And, like the others, I'm not counting you out quite yet!! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeletehi hun am i right in thinking you have a shorter LP? If im right i think today may be the decider for you x lets hope af stays away xxx
ReplyDelete