Dramatis personae

I think I need a shorthand to refer to the different people at the clinic, so here goes.

The consultant is a man of few words, who tells it like it is and doesn't beat about the bush - at our first appointment, he asked us a few questions and then introduced the results of DH's sperm analysis with the words, "Well, you wouldn't have been successful whatever you did, because your sperm count is so bad. Your only hope of conceiving is IVF with ICSI." He's very thorough, very well respected in his field and very good at his job, but he doesn't do small talk. So we'll call him Mr No Nonsense.*

The head nurse is my favourite nurse. I've seen her a few times, and she's very friendly and knowledgeable - apparently she's been working there for donkey's years - and always makes time to answer questions and reassure me. She's the one who turned round and went back to the office when she remembered she hadn't phoned me that time. We'll call her Nurse Perfect.

Then there's the nurse I've only seen once so far, so don't know her well enough to have formed an opinion - though she seemed very nice when I did see her, and she was the human being I spoke to on Saturday who set up this afternoon's appointment for me. The only time I've actually met her was at our very first appointment at the clinic, so we'll call her Nurse First Time.

And then there's the one who stuck needles into both my arms and still failed to get enough blood for a blood test, who booked me in for a scan on day 3 last cycle without asking if I was free on day 2, despite day 2 being the optimal day to start treatment, and who I spoke to on Friday. She's very friendly and pleasant, but I don't trust her as much, and I'm going to call her Nurse Not Quite.

And there we are - the happy team that I'm hopefully going to be seeing more of over the next couple of weeks.

* Note for American readers - in the UK, when you first qualify as a doctor, you're addressed as "Dr So-and-So". When you then qualify in a surgical speciality as a consultant, which is the peak of the profession, you're conventionally addressed as "Mr So-and-So". Apparently it stems back to the days when surgeons were trained in barber shops and weren't actual medical doctors - but even today, if you call a surgical/obstetric consultant "Dr" rather than "Mr", he is likely to be quite offended.