Saturday, 24 October 2009

The writing on the wall

Thank you so much for all your comments, your support and your prayers. I appreciate all of them, but at the moment I don't feel able to answer any individual comments.

Today is 10 DPO, and it's usually around now in my cycle that I start to see spotting.

For the last three days, I've allowed myself to get increasingly hopeful, because my temperature shot up to a level it's never reached before and stayed there. This morning it dropped by 0.3 degrees, and although I told myself that a single day couldn't tell me much and that I needed to wait until tomorrow to see what it does then, my heart also sank like a stone.

This afternoon I was having a coffee with some friends. When I went to the loo, I saw the telltale signs of spotting, and instantly just wanted to get home and curl up into a little ball. I went through the motions of finishing our drinks and carrying on the conversation, all the time desperate to get away.

Now I'm home and have been to the loo again, and there is definite brown spotting going on.

The combination of the temperature drop and the brown spotting are how AF always heralds her unwanted appearance.

I'm hoping and praying that Rucksack and Ray-Ray are hanging on in there, but at the moment it's not looking good. The two week wait may be over sooner than I expected.
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9 comments:

  1. quadmom24 October 2009 at 19:12

    Oh no ... okay, I know exactly how you feel ... that huge surge of hope (and the dreams that are so vivid because you're so hopeful), the obsessive temperature monitoring, the crushed feeling when the temperature drops. I know. But try to hang in there. It's hard for us IFers because we have never been pregnant, but technically the symptoms of being pregnant are pretty much identical to those of AF. Spotting around 10 DPO could be either. As for the temperature drop, don't forget that during implantation there can be a temperature drop even lower than that. And the progesterone always made me have crazy high temperatures that would taper off then go right back up, so I would say that sign is difficult to interpret, too.

    None of what I am saying is likely to help you right now, though. You are in the absolute hardest part of the 2WW. The part with symptoms that can go either way, the part where your hope starts draining away because we're so used to getting a negative, the part where you're tired, frustrated, exhausted.

    I am praying so hard for you and Ray-Ray and Rucksack. Just a little longer now. *Big, big hugs*

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  2. Anonymous24 October 2009 at 19:17

    I'm sorry about the spotting. I could say that it could mean good things as well, that progesterone usually delays your period until you're off it, but I'm not sure that helps much. Being in limbo just plain sucks.

    Take it easy, take good care of yourself, and know that there are so many of us on the outskirts cheering for you and your embabies. :)

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  3. Jeannie24 October 2009 at 19:42

    Praying and praying for you - let us know what tomorrow brings. Remember you have ALL our love XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  4. Anonymous24 October 2009 at 21:30

    Oh darling I'm sorry you have started spotting. I really hope it doesn't mean it's over. Hope you're ok xxxSxxx

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  5. Anonymous25 October 2009 at 00:16

    Hang in there. I echo Myndful's sentiments, take it easy, take good care of yourself and we are all here hoping and praying for you, Ray-Ray and Rucksack.

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  6. TBD25 October 2009 at 08:41

    Oh honey, so so sorry to hear about the spotting....I really am praying that it is implantation. I said a prayer for you last night sweetie....felt weird praying for 'LDOM' realising I don;t even know your name but I really want this to happen for you. Think I should have read these posts in reverse order really - I hope I haven't said anything insensitive in the others xxx

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  7. gemma evans25 October 2009 at 13:31

    ldom I know this may or may not help but do you remember my ff chart the month I got my bfp? I was convinced af was on her way because i had a temp dip . ill try to post a link to it again .I agree these things could be good or bad signs.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/262778

    Gem (stuckinlimbo)

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  8. Anonymous26 October 2009 at 03:51

    I missed this post of yours yesterday so am just chiming in to agree with the commenters before me. I'm sending you lots of cyber love and hoping for the best. I am well aware of that sinking feeling you get when blood of any description appears down there. Its just plain horrible, but as you know it doesn't necessarily mean bad things. Look after yourself

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  9. Anonymous26 October 2009 at 08:38

    Oh hun, I really really really hope the spotting stays away and it is implantation. xxxxxxxx

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