Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Stretching time

On Saturday evening, DH and I went to see one of our friends performing in a production of Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters. The play included the following piece of dialogue:

She never sent the castle to sleep. That's just an old wives' tale. (she glares at Nanny) She just stirred up time a little. It's not as hard as people think. Everyone does it all the time. It's like rubber, is time. You can stretch it to suit yourself.

But time is time. Every second lasts a second, that's what they're for...

How many times have weeks flown past, when afternoons seem to last for ever? How many times have minutes seemed to last for hours, when some hours have gone so quickly...?

But that's just people's perception. Isn't it?

Oh yes. Of course it is. It all is. But what difference does that make?

So, here we are at the beginning of day 4 of a 14 day wait until I'm officially allowed to POAS, and I'm wondering how rubbery time is going to be over the next 11 days. For DH, time will drag - I've kept my obsessions mostly to myself (sharing them only with Jeannie and the entire internet) over so many two week waits that for him, it's the first 2WW that he's actually been fully aware of.

I was feeling rotten on Saturday evening and as we left the theatre, I told DH how bad I felt. His immediate reaction was, "Do you think that's a good or a bad sign?" and I very firmly said that the only sign that could mean anything at all either way for the next two weeks is if I actually start bleeding.

For me, on the other hand, I think this 2WW could even be easier than some previous ones, when I've spotted symptoms like mad and absolutely firmly convinced myself that I must be pregnant, only to have my hopes dashed time and time again.

There are three main things that make it different this time.

First, I know that there is no point whatsoever in spotting symptoms. I've felt more unwell than I expected to over the last week simply because of the huge assault on my body from both the massive doses of hormones and the physical manhandling it's been subjected to. As soon as I recover from that, any symptoms I experience can be put down to the extra progesterone I'm taking, so trying to interpret them is even more pointless than usual.

Second, I have a channel for my obsessions. Normally, there's nothing to do in the 2WW but wait and obsess. This time, I have my twice-daily progesterone suppositories, my junior aspirin, my obligatory 2 litres of water and half pint of milk daily, my folic acid, my hypnotherapy CD... Rather than passively waiting as normal, I'm actively doing something to pass the time.

And third, I know that conception definitely took place and that two living embryos were placed inside me. Rather than wonder whether anything happened at all, I can visualise those two embryos and imagine the stage that they should be at every day. I feel as though I have something real to focus on rather than just hopes and dreams.

It's still going to be a long couple of weeks, and I know I'll get more anxious the closer I get to my official test date. But somehow, I don't think it's going to be my worst ever 2WW.


  1. I feel like time is dragging waiting for you to POAS, too! I keep checking to see if you've updated! =)

    What is the 2 liters of water and half pint of milk for? Just curious, because I am planning on trying just about everything I can think of this cycle so I am wondering if that's something I ought to be aware of.

    Hang in there!

  2. I have a busy two weeks at work. Last time I went through the wait I was at home during the summer, and while people were all like, "how perfect that you can relax during the wait", it was torturous for me! I'm grateful to have things to occupy my mind, not that working fully does the trick, but it helps!

    I think maybe next Tuesday or Wednesday I will start testing. Maybe.

  3. Sonja, I'll do a post on that for you tomorrow...

    PJ, hope the busy time at work helps. My colleague told me that when her daughter had IVF she tested every day from about 6 DPT - I'm going to try to hold out until OTD (Official Test Date), which is 30 October, but it won't be easy...

  4. I've been away so am commenting late but just had to say I love this post. I love the stretching time reference and the quote from the play. It so perfectly puts into words how I feel so much of the time. Thanks